I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You're like the curious george of whores
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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