The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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