I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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