I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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