just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
