We won't sleep together?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
