I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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