Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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