i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
