marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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