I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
