if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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