Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
