just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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