i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
