hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
