we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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