So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
