Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
