You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
