I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
