Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
