Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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