When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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