Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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