Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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