I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
