mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
