I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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