Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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