I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
