Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
