hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
