So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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