Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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