i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
