i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Last time i carry you out of a forest
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Randomize
