I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
