you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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