They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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