They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
