In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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