haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
