Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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