Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
