your parents love me but you hate me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
