you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
