May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
