If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
