Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
