If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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