Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
