I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
