he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
