You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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